Saturday, October 26, 2013

Inclusion - Not same-ness.

I have been going to a bluegrass jam at the Oak Park Farmer's Market for years, when I can (which is about once a month, and often not for more than an hour). We go as a family and Nico fixates on the music, because he truly loves music and dancing, especially live music involving guitars and fiddles and the like. 

I rarely bring my guitar, because carrying a guitar while dealing with the two kids is hard, but a friend who also plays banjo is usually willing to lend me his. When Nico was little, he would sit still, snack, and listen for hours. As he's aged, his attention span drifts and he wants to wander a little, but he always returns to the music. 

Especially when the music is outside (weather permitting), there are dozens of children, scattered around the edge, but Nico usually walks carefully into the middle of the circle and starts to dance. It's almost never been a problem. First, if he does lose control then I'm right there, but he doesn't. And people just accept his presence. They understand, I think, that in the middle is where he needs to be, that including Nico requires a different level of rules and management than one could do with a typical child. I could stop Nico, and do when he needs to be stopped (out of control, tired, hungry, etc.). There are lots of rules for him, but the line of "don't stand and dance in the middle of the musicians" is not one I need to draw.

That said, if every parent made the same decision, there would be too many kids in the middle.

I have no idea how this works. But it does. 

Nico dances in the middle, both carefully and filled with joy. It works. 

It's inclusion - not equality, not same-ness. 

2 comments:

Teresa Kintner Gunderson said...

This makes me happy, for a whole truckload of reasons. And I must say, Nico gets more handsome every day!! <3

Walkersvillemom said...

This is really cool! Having a live music fan(atic) of my own, I totally understand. It's often a struggle of mine to know when to allow Josh to experience music to the fullest - in ways that don't "follow the rules," and when to draw the line. I'm sure I'll pack away the idea of "Inclusion, not sameness" for the next time I'm deciding whether to reign him in or not... :)